The Cry-It-Out Dilemma

At eight months, Lil’ Cub wakes up at least 4 times a night and almost always needs (or wants?) to nurse. His pediatrician recommends sleep training: at night, I should put him in his crib, shut the door, let him cry, and don’t go in until sunrise. For the past month, my mind has been preoccupied with whether or not I should do this.

NB: I believe that doing the “cry-it-out” is a very personal choice. I am not judging anyone else’s approach to sleep training but am simply outlining my decision-making process for my own child.

My reasons for sleep training him are pretty obvious:

1) Lil’ Cub would have to learn how to self soothe and transition between sleep cycles.

2) Everyone will get more sleep!

My reasons against sleep training him are a bit more complicated:

1) The pediatrician says he’s old enough to not need to feed at night, but I actually believe that he does get hungry every 2.5 hours. I can tell when he’s feeding for comfort (light sucking) versus when he’s actually gulping down milk (heavy milk letdown), and usually during night feedings, it’s the latter. In fact, I think he actually gets most his calories in at night because he’s too playful to take in a lot of milk during the day. Other possible reasons for frequent hunger pangs may include breast milk digesting quickly and Lil’ Cub having a higher metabolism.

2) Ok, so there are times when Lil’ Cub wakes up 45 minutes after his last feeding and it’s probably more for comfort than for hunger, but what’s wrong comforting him? These frequent wakings usually happen after a stressful day, which justifies a little more TLC. I mean, I myself roll over several times a night to seek the comfort of my husband’s arms, so I understand if Lil’ Cub wants to snuggle in his sleep, especially since he’s alone in his room.

3) Someone once said to me that I should ignore my baby’s cries to teach him that crying won’t get him anywhere, but at the infant stage, crying is the only way he can communicate when something’s not right, so why silence his voice? I want my child to be able to advocate for himself and seek help when he needs it. Also, there were many times that I ignored my son’s cries and then later found out that I had neglected a need. Once, he kept crying at night and refused to go into his crib. After 20 minutes of fussing, I realized he had pooped, which almost never happens at night. Another time, I found that he had a blanket covering his face (really shouldn’t have put that blanket there!) – had I ignored him for any longer, he may have suffocated! Babies cry because they’re trying to say something, and it’s important to listen.

4) Cry-It-Out training will teach him to self soothe and sleep through the night, but many moms believe that these two skills are developmental milestones that babies will naturally reach anyway, so it’s not a must to force it via sleep training. My mom, mother-in-law, and lactation nurse altogether raised 10 kids without any sleep training, and we all grew up fine. Also, the fact that many sleep-trained babies have sleep regressions makes me wonder if they are really developmentally ready to sleep through the night.

5) In the past, excessive crying and stress have led to other problems for Lil’ Cub including eczema flare-ups, constipation, and hoarseness that lasted for five days. For me, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

6) Sleep training programs make it sound so easy (“Get your baby to sleep through the night in three days! He’ll fall asleep after crying for 10 minutes!”), but the reality is not always that simple. Parents have told me that they did the cry-it-out for two weeks before they had real results. I myself know that Lil’ Cub can cry for well over 90 minutes and still not fall asleep. I don’t think I could be so consistent about letting Lil’ Cub cry that much for several weeks.

7) Frequent nursing has several perks for me: it keeps my breasts from being engorged, helps me burn hundreds of calories a day, and keeps my period away (so far at least!).

8) Finally, although night nursing is very tiring, there are also many heart-melting moments. There is nothing like having a little one fall asleep in your arms! During the day, he can barely sit still; it’s only at night that I get to really cuddle with him. I try to cherish this time because in a few years, he won’t even want to be seen holding my hand!

After considering all this, my solution is to not do the cry-it-out method, or save it as a last resort if I think it’s really necessary (e.g. if night wakings compromise the health or sanity of Lil’ Cub, my husband, or myself). I am ok with nursing every 2-3 hours and will continue doing so. In the meantime, I will also try to sleep train him via other methods and give him many opportunities to try sleeping without nursing. I believe that if he practices self soothing regularly, he will one day be able to do it consistently.

At the end of the day, Lil’ Cub is my first child, so I’m just trying to figure things out and am curious to see where my current approach will lead. So far, Lil’ Cub is growing healthily and meeting his developmental milestones, so I hope it will all turn out ok. If I manage to have another child in the next few years, I hope that this experience will teach me a lot about how to best optimize sleep for a baby!

#sleep