Weaning Part III: The Last Time

It’s been over three weeks since Lil’ Cub has nursed. Ever since we cut the nursing-to-sleep habit, he's barely mentioned “nai” at all. There was a period of five days last month where he stopped asking to nurse and I thought it was all over, but then he came down with a fever and got extra fussy and uncomfortable, so I indulged him a little. After that, he would sometimes still want milk when he woke up groggy, but it soon occurred to me that - whether due to the decreased nursing or the pregnancy hormones - I wasn’t producing much milk at all! I didn’t want to get into a habit of dry nursing so I simply stopped offering.

When was the very last time we nursed, and what was it like? To be honest, I don’t remember. On days when he would cry the minute I was out of the room, when he would yell “Maaa!” as a babysitter took him from me, when he would pat my chest at the excitement of milk, when he would wake up croaking “nai” in a hoarse voice, I thought the day of weaning would never come, but turns out the last time has slipped by without me noticing at all.

How do I feel? Physically, I thought I would experience engorgement, but I reduced nursing so gradually that weaning didn’t affect my body in any dramatic way. Emotionally, the first thing I felt was relief that I wouldn’t have to be nursing two babies, that Lil’ Cub no longer cries when left with grandparents, that I managed to wean before my personal deadline of 24 months. I also feel incredibly proud of my son for achieving this milestone of independence and am excited that we have a few months to develop a new kind of relationship before his sibling is born. I think this happened at the right time and I wouldn’t have tried to do it earlier or later. I do admit that getting him to fall asleep on his own takes a lot more time (it used to take 10-20 mins with nursing; now, it takes at least 30 mins of reading, singing, patting, soft talking, and massaging before I get a yawn), but I hope this is a skill that he will continue to develop over time.

Do I miss nursing? I haven’t had a chance to so far because, well, it didn’t occur to me that nursing was over until I thought about it recently. Lil’ Cub has been growing in so many other ways that it’s hard to catch up with him sometimes. He’s uttering new words every day, attending playgroups, climbing out of his crib, and expressing affection in all sorts of new and adorable ways (e.g. he gives the cutest eskimo kisses!). Sometimes, when he’s really cranky, he still tugs at my shirt and burrows his head in my chest, but he usually calms down with a chew toy or a warm cup of cow’s milk. Still, I think there is a closeness, an attachment, and a level of affection that is unique to a nursing relationship. One day, when he’s a teenager screaming at me to leave him alone, I will probably reminisce about that time. For now, I’ll save the tears, store up on sleep, and look forward to the non-stop talking, crayon scribbling, potty training, self-feeding, and whatever else this new stage of our relationship has to offer!

#weaning #breastfeeding