Waiting
The only times in my life that I look forward to feeling pain is when I’m waiting for a baby. With every breath-stealing contraction, every tiny jab of back pain, every leakage of urine, I wonder...Is that a sign of imminent labor? Is my water breaking? Oops, false alarm. It’s a strange feeling. The Bible says that the pain of labor cannot compare to the joy of meeting your child, and I feel that has been true in my experience. My labor pain with Lil’ Cub was probably the worst pain I ever felt in my life, yet I barely remember it because of all the excitement and joy that came afterwards (and thank you epidural!).
Every morning upon waking, I think to myself, Is today the day? I make two plans for the day: plan A for if I go into labor, plan B for if I don’t. Every night, I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to meet my baby and a little grateful that I get more time to spend with Lil’ Cub.
It’s funny how having an older child changes the dynamics of this waiting period. It doesn’t make it any less exciting; in fact, I have one more person to be excited with. Lil’ Cub isn't yet 2, but he’s been talking every day about the baby coming out and has eagerly helped me prepare all the baby’s toys and clothes -- he is just as curious to meet him as I am. An older child does make me feel less anxious about the arrival of the baby though. I remember with my first one, I got my nesting done at least two weeks in advance and was bored and restless for the rest of my pregnancy (at that point, it was summer vacation and school was closed, so I wasn’t even working). Good thing Lil’ Cub arrived before my due date, or I might have gone nuts from waiting. This time around, there is less “stuff” to prepare since I already have all my baby gear. Instead of being worried about preparing for the baby, I’ve been preoccupied with getting everything ready for my firstborn -- who’s going to babysit him, what do I need to pack for the babysitter, what is he going to eat while I’m in the hospital, what activities will we do tomorrow if the baby doesn’t arrive, how am I going to prepare him for this transition etc. I guess I’ve birthed and taken home a newborn before, but I’ve never had to leave my toddler for any extended period of time, so the latter seems more daunting. While I’m super eager to meet my new baby, I am also not in a rush for this special time with my firstborn to end. We’ve been visiting all our favorite places, and I’ve been holding him a little more tightly at bedtime, knowing that we won’t get to snuggle as much in the future and wondering if he will ever remember a time when he was the center of my world.
I’ve been trying to spend more time with my husband as well -- he’s been coming home earlier, and we’ve been going on more dates, catching up on our favorite TV show, spending more time as a family. I really appreciate how on Memorial Day, he woke up at 7am just so that we could fulfill my wish to go to the beach with Lil’ Cub before the baby arrived. With kids, I have to make a conscious effort to make sure my husband is not put on the back burner...it’s not always easy, and it won’t get any easier!
My bags are packed, and I still feel hopeful with every possible sign of labor pain, but I'm also sweeping the house and planning to take Lil' Cub to his class tomorrow. Life is good right now, so I’ll be grateful and enjoy it while I get ready to take on whatever joys and challenges I will face in the coming week. At the same time, don’t stay in there too long baby! We all can’t wait to meet you and embrace the changes that you will bring to our lives!
