The Second One
(You see that little hand? Someone's waving hello!)
I didn’t mention this in my last post, but another reason why I’m trying to wean is that my husband and I are expecting again! It was somewhat surprising because we weren’t trying to conceive but also not completely shocking because we weren’t using birth control. At this point, we’ve just finished the first trimester (Phew!).
So far, it’s been a rocky ride both physically and emotionally. Now that Lil’ Cub is napping, I can finally devote some time to reflecting on this second pregnancy. Over the past few months, I’ve been feeling:
SOMEWHAT RESIGNED BUT MOSTLY JOYFUL
at compromising our independence from our parents. Earlier in our marriage, I really valued my husband and me managing everything and making decisions by ourselves - this independence was important for us to establish our own family unit. But now, we have to accept help and advice from our parents and them staying with us for extended periods because first, we want our kids to enjoy the love their grandparents, and second, we really hate to admit it, but we need them!
at having even less of my own life. Of course there are times when I resent this, and I often miss the way my body was pre-pregnancy and pre-breastfeeding. At the same time, I feel that life isn’t that fun if you live it all for yourself; if I were to give my life for someone, I think my family is pretty worth it!
UNCERTAIN
about how my husband and I will manage to take care of two kids when one is already a handful. Will we need to think about seeking extra help?
about how I can be emotionally available for two kids. It’s hard to imagine loving anyone more than Lil’ Cub! But my husband reminds me that when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I was obsessed with my job and worried I wouldn’t like my baby, yet I fell in love with him the day he was born. The heart has an amazing ability to expand - I have to believe in that!
BITTERSWEET about how this affects my relationship with my firstborn
As a stay-at-home mom, I get a lot of one-on-one time with Lil’ Cub, and I cherish us being closer than anything. I love our morning walks, our grocery trips, our ice cream “dates,” our bedtime cuddles. I love taking him everywhere with me and feeling like we are the best of friends. I always tell him he’s my favorite person in the world (I tell his dad that too, but you know, it’s a different kind of favorite). When I have another child, how will our relationship change?
At the same time, while this much bonding is great for his first two years of life, I don’t think it would be healthy for us to always live in this two-person world. His social circle needs to expand; I don’t want him to grow up as a dependent Mommy’s boy. It will also be so great for him to have a new friend to play with! Future family vacations will be a lot more fun when he can go on the roller coaster with his sibling rather than his mom.
NAUSEATED AND TIRED
I didn’t get too much morning sickness with my first pregnancy, but during this first trimester, I was nauseated almost every day and threw up at least four times. It was really awful having to take care of a toddler while barely being able to take care of myself. One time, I was throwing up in the toilet, and Lil’ Cub was crying, “No! No! No!” Poor thing didn’t know what happened to me. At that point, I really had to swallow my pride and call my family to come and stay with me for a while.
Unlike my first pregnancy where I was eating a lot, I had a pretty poor appetite during my first trimester this time. Everything with grease or spices made me nauseated even if it was just the smell; I only managed to eat frequent small meals. I am so thankful that I had family around to cook healthy meals for me.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST...EXCITED!
That we have will have another child to take care of, to play with, and to love. Each child is different, and I can’t wait to get to know this one’s individual perks and see what he/she will contribute to our family. I know my relationship with this one will be different from the one I have with my first child, but I look forward to developing a unique bond with him or her.
That our family is expanding! I grew up in a big family, and I really cherish the companionship of my siblings and cousins. I hope my children grow to be great friends and support each other all throughout their lives.
Stay tight little one! We are not perfect parents, but we will do everything we can to cherish and love you. Hope you’re warm and comfy in there - we can’t wait to meet you!
