Weaning Part II: The End of Night Nursing
(Image credit: Milkies in the Morning by Jennifer Saleem)
I wrote in a previous blog post that my goal was to wean Lil’ Cub by 24 months, so ever since his first birthday, weaning has been on my mind. At that point, Lil’ Cub was still nursing around four times a night and at least once a day; I, for the most part, still enjoyed nursing and didn’t have much motivation to change our comfortable routine.
This changed at 15 months when we learned that Lil' Cub had three cavities. Because my husband and I have always been diligent in brushing his teeth and keeping him away from sweets, the dentist suspected night nursing as the culprit since it meant that his teeth were coated in milk for over 10 hours every day. We dreaded the idea of our son strapped to a board and howling while the dentist filled his cavities; that very night, we decided to wean him from night nursing -- cold turkey.
It's been 33 days since we started night weaning, and I've experienced some of the most difficult and depressing nights of my motherhood, but these days, we've been seeing some positive trends. Maybe, just maybe, we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?
Here’s an account of what we did and how it went over the last 33 days:
Days 1-3: A modified cry-it-out
The day I decided to night-wean, I spent the whole day repeating two things to Lil' Cub:
Instead of falling asleep with milk, we would have a new bedtime routine: nurse with lights on, brush our teeth, switch off lights, cuddle, then sleep.
We would only nurse when there was light; we would not nurse in the dark. We played with light switches for a while to make sure he understood what “light” and “dark” was.
You’d be surprised at what kids can understand at 15 months. For the past 33 nights, Lil’ Cub has followed the new bedtime routine to a T and can fall asleep in his own crib without nursing. For those first three nights, though, he still woke up every 2-3 hours; every time, my husband or I would do everything except nurse to get him back to sleep. He ended up crying at least an hour every night. It was utterly exhausting. The good thing was we did this over a weekend when we happened to have an aunt in town to help us out.
Days 4-16: Two steps forward, one step backwards
After the first three days, Lil’ Cub started waking up less frequently and sleeping for longer stretches (i.e. 4-8 hours instead of 2-3 hours at a time), and if he did wake two hours after bedtime, we were usually able to pat him back to sleep. The problem was when he woke after a long stretch of sleep, he was not able to fall asleep again. He would toss and turn in his bed and eventually be so awake that I’d have to let him play for 2-3 hours until he got so tired that he fell sleep on his own or cried for 30-60 mins until he passed out (the latter was more common).
Even though we were happy that he could sleep for longer hours, I really struggled with tending to him for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night and dealing with frequent intense crying. Lil’ Cub was losing hours of sleep too: instead of sleeping 10-12 hours a night like he did before night weaning, he was was sleeping 6-9 hours and didn’t necessarily make it up in naps. At times I broke down crying from being exhausted, from feeling heartbroken at my child's screams, and from doubting whether I was making the best choice for him.
Eventually, I decided that if he slept a long enough stretch (e.g. over 7 hours), I would nurse him just once before dawn. First, I noticed that his stomach would often be grumbling by then. If I didn’t nurse him, he’d end up waking up completely, and I certainly did not want to start my day at 5am. I also figured that having milk on your teeth for 2-3 hours would not cause as much damage as 10-12 hours. This change seemed to help. By Day 15, he was sleeping about 7-8 hours without a peep, waking up only once before dawn to nurse.
Day 17-33 : A New Environment
Just when things were starting to sail smoothly, we took Lil’ Cub halfway across the world to visit my in-laws for Thanksgiving. We had to take a 14-hour flight and deal with a time difference of 15 hours. I was anxious that this would mess up what we had worked so hard to accomplish, but it turned out to be ok - he continued to sleep 7+ hours at a time and would only wake up once before dawn.
One thing that may have helped is that unlike at our house where Lil’ Cub sleeps in his own crib and room, my in-laws had arranged for my husband, baby, and me to sleep next to each other on floor mattresses. This meant that whenever Lil' Cub stirred, we could pat him back to sleep before he actually woke up. I really enjoyed cuddling him in my sleep for those few days but ultimately was not prepared to continue co-sleeping at our own house. Luckily, after we left his grandparents’ place, he has mostly been sleeping 8-9 hour stretches in his crib and would nurse only once before dawn. When his sleeping patterns stabilize, I will work on cutting out that pre-dawn nursing session, but for now, I'm thankful for where we are.
During those cry-it-out nights, I truly did not believe it possible for Lil' Cub to fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night; sometimes, I still don't believe that it has really happened. I only pray that his sleeping patterns continue to improve!
Day 34 onwards: New Goals
My next thing to tackle is weaning before nap time. Ever since we started night weaning, he’s been nursing more and more intensely before naps and often cries when I unlatch him.
There have been days where he simply refused to nap because I didn't let him stay on me! I don’t know why he is able to settle himself to sleep at bedtime but not at nap time. It’s like he knows that I’m trying to wean him for good and is holding on for dear life!
At first, I indulged his daytime nursing because he was already crying a lot and losing so much sleep at night. I also wanted to make sure he was taking in enough water and cow's milk to make up for the fluids and nutrients that he used to consume at night. I'm now at a point where I'm happy with his nighttime habits and his calorie intake, so tomorrow, I plan to try the following:
1) Start a new nap time routine where instead of nursing him to sleep, I'll only nurse him for a short while, then make him brush his teeth and fall asleep in his own bed.
2) I'll use an alarm to regulate how long he can nurse. Hopefully, he will be distracted by the funny music and the alarm gadget and unlatch on his own.
3) Communicate the new rules and routine to him so that I set expectations from the beginning.
Wish me luck!
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Update: It worked for Day 34!!! I hope it wasn't a fluke!! And no more cavities please!
