Managing Mealtime Messes
Feeding solids to an infant generally gets messy, but recently, my 11-month-old has taken messy to a whole new level. No longer is he merely dribbling or dropping things due to undeveloped motor coordination; now, he throws food or toys around, leans over his seat to spit out his food (p-uu-uuuuu-uuuu), and, my biggest pet peeve, rubs his food-covered hands all over his eyes, hair, and neck. Part of him is probably curious about the sounds and sights of objects flying across the room, but the whining that often accompanies these actions makes me think that he’s mostly acting out of anger or frustration. Yep, it’s officially the beginning of toddler tantrums.
Rather than dismissing these tantrums as misbehavior, I do my best to learn from them, especially given that babies can only communicate through nonverbal means. My classroom experience has taught me that when kids act out, they’re usually either bored because the activities are too easy, frustrated because they’re too difficult, or struggling with unmet physical or socio-emotional needs. The teacher side of me is all about analyzing my son’s behavior and using it as feedback on how to respond better.
It’s easiest to tell and to manage when eating becomes too difficult for Lil’ Cub. When the food is too acidic, he will scrunch his face up and purse his lips. When the texture is too dry or chunky, he will gag or spit out lumps of food. The respective solutions are to avoid unripe fruits, blend harder foods in the processor, or give him some water.
Sometimes he doesn’t want to eat because he has other needs: perhaps he’s full or tired; perhaps he needs to poop or walk around. In these situations, it’s useful to take a break and try again later. One time, he started screaming and throwing food to protest me taking away a food wrapper that he had managed to grab from the dining table. Without saying anything, I scooped him up and brought him to look out the window; in a minute, he was calm and able to proceed with eating. Even a small break may help him get in the right mood for eating.
The trickiest scenario is when he’s bored with eating. If you think about it, it’s pretty boring having to open and close your mouth a hundred times while strapped to a seat. For a while, I managed his boredom by engaging him with toys or interesting objects, but recently, an experienced mom recommended that I stop this so he doesn’t grow up thinking that eating equals playtime. Rather, she suggested, boredom may be a sign that he’s ready to self-feed, so I’ve switched my tactic to keeping those fidgety hands busy with food or utensils. I was initially reluctant to do this because self-feeding can lead to even more mess, but from the way he smiles when he gets to touch and squish different food textures or the way he smacks his lips as he stuffs his mouth with little chicken shreds, I learned that these were happy learning messes rather angry tantrumy ones.
I don’t let him self-feed 100% because it gets so messy and he doesn’t end up eating much, but I often give him strips of bread, meat, or veggies to feed himself while I feed him the main meal on a spoon (I read that strips are better than chunks -- easier to bite, less risk of choking). Recently, he’s shown an interest in using cutlery, and I’ve been putting a bit of food on a small short spoon to let him practice. It’s best if the food is sticky like mushy rice, bananas, or oatmeal so that it doesn’t spill before it reaches his mouth. He doesn't always get it in , but when he does, I give him lots of encouragement, which puts a big smile on his face. When he starts playing with his food, I like to make a game of getting him to hand it to me or put it in my mouth so that at least it doesn’t end up on the floor. Usually, this means that’s he’s close to being done.
Feeding solids has taught me a lot about reading my son’s needs and managing his behavior. The most effective strategies seem to be challenging him at an appropriate level and making sure I’ve met his other physical or emotional needs. And while I think I’ve gotten much better at mealtimes, there are still days when everything ends up on the floor anyway. My last tactics: keep calm, have a wet washcloth handy, and have faith that he’ll outgrow the mess!
